04'18'12 Molly Moore: Fifty Shades Of Me
"firstly the notion that this is some filthy secret that woman are holding onto...
secondly there is the hidden undertone that being submissive means you cannot be 'independent' or 'have a career'...
of course all these articles don't really spell it out so bluntly but you read enough of them you will find there is a common theme running through all them and that is that really and truly, at the end of the day, is that it is only a book and these are just fantasies that woman have, after all we have fantasies but that doesn't mean we act on them... does it!?
can you tell I am angry? I fucking hope so. [...] I want to be destroyed by my desire to do these things and then I want him to pick me up and fix me... until the next time.
I don't want a bully or someone with a controlling nature, I don't want arbitrary decisions just because he says so. I want to talk and negotiate and be heard and acknowledged. I want to be seen and known and understood.
am I weak for being submissive? I don't think so and if you know me or have met me I am fairly confident that you would agree with me. being submissive to him does not make me a weak person, in fact I truly belief that being that self-aware and confident in my own needs and desires and willing to act on them actually takes a great deal of strength and trust in yourself.
I am brave enough to start that sentence with I am submissive because I am not ashamed of it despite the fact that everything I read in the media at the moment which is telling me this is just a genre of fiction, I know different. I am not a work, a fiction, I am a woman.
I don't really give a crap whether the book is written well or not or whether you have enjoyed reading it or not, this is not about the book. what I do care about is the way submission is being written about within the popular media. the implication that by being submissive is somehow a betrayal of woman's rights, that it is a backward step for woman into the dark ages... it seems that being submissive is something to be ashamed of, it is something no self-respecting woman would actually openly admit too.
just to be clear, I have not read the book Fifty Shades Of Grey and at this point in time I don't intend too. from what I have read about it, it has as much to do with being submissive as Interview With A Vampire does about being a journalist. it is a work of fiction about two people but unlike Interview With A Vampire it touches upon a lifestyle and a sexuality that many people identify with. I can't comment for sure on whether it is a good read or not and as I said above this rant is not about the book is it about the fact that submission, in particular submissive woman, are being talked about as genre of fiction rather than real life fully functioning people. it is about the fact that the media only seems comfortable talking about submission in terms of fantasy and writing and not in terms of lifestyle and choice. to those people who continue to write about female submission in the same way they write about vampires... fuck you!"
Marie Rebelle: "brilliant post! ab-so-lu-te-ly fucking brilliant. thank you Molly for putting these words to paper. having a high strung job in senior management of an international company, I don't see myself as weak. and I definitely feel that being submissive does not make me weak. in fact, letting go, giving the control to someone else... it takes a strong person to do just that."
Newt Kai: "I first read your husband's tweets. was moved by his humor and obvious love for you. then I clicked through and found your blog. it was without a doubt a very defining moment for me. I came to the internet with my kink in mind but wanting to see all of the color and sounds and tales of others.
what I found was what I thought I wanted. but then in reading your words and following your weds and sundays... I saw the romance in play and submission that was far beyond my experiences. to say it opened me is a understatement. it made me understand wants, it made me ask questions.
you are a fascinating person in a fascinating relationship... raising kids, doing normal and not so humdrum things in life. I am glad you wrote this.
because being kinky or submissive or which ever 'tag' we fall into, just accentuates the creative thriving people that we are. I am glad your proud of that."
Mina Lamieux: "really great post Molly. society is just too scared to face another form of sexuality and it sucks. the US still battles the 'being gay is not a choice' war. so many institutions and people there will tell you being gay is just a phase someone has to get over. so it really is no surprise that society will refuse to see this as a viable sexuality as well.
I really wish I could be more open. maybe one day. I just want to write freely and say 'yes, this is me. I love sex and everything about it. I am strong and powerful because I embrace it. and yes, I am submissive too.'"
Goldi: "OMG! I don't think that I have ever agreed with a post so much before! it's like I wrote it! my thoughts are exactly the same! good for you Molly! never let them shut you up!"
Penny: "go Molly! I don't think I've told you yet, but I greatly admire your blog and your honest, unapologetic, and powerful writing and images. you know what you want, you get it, and you aren't afraid to share it with others even if it's not the 'norm'. that makes you strong, stronger than most. if there were more brave women like you, maybe people would realize sexuality is complex and diverse and shouldn't be judged and oversimplified."
DDD: "I love you, Molly! your passion, your intellect, your sexuality. while so much of what you wrote 'read true' for me, there is also more. and you made me want to explore this issue and myself more deeply. it can be confusing, but I feel that it is only as a strong woman that I can fully embrace submission. otherwise it would simply be weakness. for me, at least. anyway, thank you for writing this and sharing it with us. for being you. I love you, Sister in Slut."
InspireRae: "thank you for putting down into words what I have not been able to convey to others not in this lifestyle. it was like you where in my head. beautifully done."
subbieluvie: "fabulously put dearest Molly, perhaps time more of us submissive women and men for that matter wrote more books, non-fiction, autobiographical, to tell of the reality... this has inspired me enough to finally make a start on mine. it is after all meant to be the 21st Century – people are more acceptant and tolerant but still very ignorant to all intense purposes when it comes to anything that is not the 'norm' it gets ridiculed rather than studied."
Victoria Vista: "Molly! Molly!!!! found this on e-lust 36... and absolutely love it! I have had the same distaste in my mouth over this book... also have not read it... but may just have to for a better argument.
I'm not a submissive, but a mistress, but even our male submissives have the same cliches toward them... as weak etc.... we all know it takes honesty and strength to be a submissive. I love and respect mine.
my 'blood boiling' reaction to this book has been as yours! first that the author obviously is clueless about the lifestyle and I've heard also the book isn't even well written. what a slam! it could have at least been well written! LOL
oh well... maybe some good well come out of this... at least maybe some honest discussion about what the D/s lifestyle (that we all love) is all about!"
thank you for your great post!!!
Clive: "phew! that was clearly something on your chest that needed saying. and 'hear hear, well said' – and I would add, what about all those submissive blokes! anyway, the important thing is that I have learnt that I shouldn't give you balloons on your birthday Molly."
pinciotti: wow, the vampire has spoken! a real living one, not a spooky phantom from the screen... a vampire among us who actually bites and wants to see blood and big big emotions. a vampire lady who lives her life. what novel would that be in which your story was told: how you've found your lord!
you want to be destroyed by your desire to be kinky under him. you want to be used, abused, marked and bruised and sore from his emphatic touch. to be tied down, legs spread and fucked by him for his pleasure only... you want him to make you throb and ache and beg and cry... to be on your knees lost and destroyed in front of him feeling the pain...
"this feels like nothing for him, that he can do this. that he can reduce me to this. I cannot quite conceive that he thinks this is normal, how normal people have sex. this is something amazing." "nothing else exists but the feelings... the feelings, my god they are so strong, like nothing else." (Cara Sutra)
...and wanting he'll pick you up then and fix you until it itches you again.
I'm deeply touched by the power of your feelings and the vehemence of this outcry. such an amount of hard-edged commitment is in my eyes pretty unique. you won't find anything like that somewhere in the mainstream. this level of intensity, this depth and strength marks unfamiliar territory, because corporate business mentality – or let's say – loyalty in the sense of its inventor is based on frigidity, obedience and the performance of one's duty, not so much on the advancement of your soul and ego.
this isn't normal, how normal people see and have sex. people who have normal sex have no idea what sex really means and how big sex in fact is: how profoundly it rules the world, what energies are contained in this drive. normal people with normal sex don't know the intensity with which you feel, the intensity with which you fuck, the intensity with which you think and write. I've said to Cara that she was "able to express yourself in an intoxicated fashion which makes me high, which makes me go nuts." the same thing here. you both are special.
everybody believes what he wants and what he has to believe, right? the ultimate principle of civilization: power arises from making others believe. only extremely strong and devoted personalities have the chance to break through through all of these layers of old and popular pieties that are overlying the most basic instincts. George Carlin for instance, Kafka, Nietzsche, Bill Hicks, Acharya and many others.
"being submissive to him does not make me a weak person, in fact I truly belief that being that self-aware and confident in my own needs and desires and willing to act on them actually takes a great deal of strength and trust in yourself."
I totally agree. but the thing is this, you act the same way as any journalist or other opinion maker does: I couldn't find even one critical comment on your website... so far. absolutely none. no backtalk allowed as it seems. you're playing the role of a priest for your case, and I don't think that's the future, you know. therefore "blogging is masturbation". there's nothing really new about it, nothing revolutionary, nothing explosive.
everybody now tries to establish his own little opinion stream on the web and joins certain communities to treasure his beliefs. Facebook shows it's not conspiratorial, it's all mental, a human question. I mean, where is a central market place that could mix up all of these different horizons of perception... and would you like to use such a parquet with this merciless and bitchy fuck-you attitude? the more we plunge into the cyberspace, I think, the more it becomes crystal clear: you can't convince somebody anymore. this game is over more or less. for God's sake! LOL
I was reading Cara Sutra's synopsis from May 15, 2013 about the book's media resonance before I wrote "kink had become a fairy tale to kneele before the mainstream". the "Christmas Mistress": "no matter your personal opinion of Fifty Shades Of Grey, this trilogy has achieved what no other kink themed book has done before. it has been accepted into the mainstream. I believe it has helped the majority of 50 Shades lovers who had been living their sex life through vanilla fulfilment only, to draw closer to kink and help them experiment with power exchange, if not the full range of BDSM potential. as is their choice, of course. [...] something that makes the nation, the world as a whole, acknowledge that not only does kink/Fetish/BDSM exist but that it can be enjoyable, sexy and even healthy for consenting adults, is a huge step in the right direction, in my personal opinion. no longer is punishment spankings and bondage something that is seen to be done in the darkest realms of unhealthy relationships or in freak show clubs by perverts of the highest order. it can be enjoyed by a loving couple with things you already have in your own wardrobe. [...] Fifty Shades Of Grey is read in public, joked about on TV and now a part of pop culture with references in every area of media. I can only hope that this is the first step in what I believe to be the right direction, to a time when BDSM is fully accepted as a beautiful, if alternative style of adult relationship – and sometimes, even love."
I trust her taste and her inside knowledge, her natural wisdom to be honest with you... nevertheless, I'm more on your side regarding the topic, but cannot explain it yet exactly why. the Hollywood production Fight Club for instance didn't make much of a difference in the end, but the impact of Fifty Shades of course is significantly greater and more directly related to sex as the movie. the mainstream is massive, that's for sure, and why is it that much monolithic?
"by the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing... kill yourself. kill yourselves, seriously. you're the ruiner of all things good. seriously, no, this is not a joke. 'there's gonna be a joke coming...' there's no fucking joke coming! you are Satan's spawn, filling the world with bile and garbage. you are fucked and you are fucking us. kill yourselves, it's the only way to save your fucking soul. kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself now. now, back to the show..." Bill Hicks
the rest is silence, isn't it.
talking IS "sex" (according to my own definition) can't you feel it?! so you can't talk vampire-esquely anywhere in mainstream media. either in this emotional depth nor with blatant intensity. corporate thinking has to be nice and fine and soft and flat. like McDonalds and Coke, not like your cunt. "in all these articles I have read there is not one genuine submissive woman having her say." of course not, this is out of the picture (no conspiracy necessary, so to speak)
the self-declared "ranty, spiky bitch from hell" (Cara) is willing to negotiate about the book, how about you one and a half year later? I've found an excellent comment yesterday: "I'm pro-comments, and I'm pro-education. we still live in a society which was founded on Puritan ideologies. it's changing, but it's slow. things like this are a reminder that while we personally may live in sex-positive worlds, we're in a bubble there and this is what the rest of the world is really like." Lorax of Sex
"if being gay was written about in the same way that being submissive is currently being written about in the press with all its judgements, ill-informed rhetoric and implications that it is just a fantasy world for people there would be uproar."
kink is yet another dimension, another degree of intimacy. "What Makes Sex Good?" I've found this tremendous blog entry thanks to Kendra Holliday. "the truth just punched me in the gut like a bag of oranges in a mob movie. I'm looking for intimacy. connection" intimacy is always the key. and to develop your own ego you must destroy it from time to time – the ultimate form of intimacy for which you need a partner who will shred you.
from my point of view, this very sophisticated and well-written rant is more than just a blog outcry... there's something majestic behind it, something historical nearly (I'm aware there are some holes in my text – surely no big deal for you)